


Half Year (Late) Realization

by Giulietta



Series: Times We Spent Together [2]
Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Foiled Confessions, Moving On, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Rockman X3 | Mega Man X3, Short One Shot, Starting Over, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-07-14 05:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giulietta/pseuds/Giulietta
Summary: X sorts his feelings and when he finally musters enough courage to confess... He decides not to pursue because it doesn't matter anymore.[I just realized I gave some detail not properly explained in my last story.]





	1. Impeding Program

**Author's Note:**

> You remember (1) X saying he has a strong platonic relationship to Alia; (2) X telling Axl about his feelings of Zero transition and (3) Axl noting X willing to give his life to Zero which X denies as it is a sign of his friendship?
> 
> Yeah. It's in this, just search obvious keywords on that. o-o
> 
> [ **A Day Without Touching** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853066)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> X never saw this coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X walks forward and prepared for a confrontation.

The first time X registered the unknown sensation, the blue reploid thought it was a **fleeting** emotion.

 

It was supposed to be a temporary feeling of **Veneration** towards his superior, specifically Zero. The feeling was similar with his foster sibling Sigma, dissipating after entering the Seventeenth Unit.

 

However, it hadn’t faded yet. X had no choice but categorize the feeling as an  **Infatuation**. Like the first time he tasted chocolate, X required some time to process the information. However, maybe he’s making excuses for himself, never acting on those impulses accompanied to it. X didn’t want to look like a fool portrayed n those romance movies. He has a reputation to maintain... He's Rockman X.

 

> So maybe when he had those concert tickets, X should’ve held onto it and asked Zero personally if he had free time instead of offering it to Storm Eagle and his girlfriend? Maybe he should’ve given Zero those chocolates in Valentines instead of eating it at the rooftop all by himself? Maybe he should’ve told Zero how much he missed his presence when the blonde came back from the dead?

 

These thoughts echoed **regret** in his dreams and all X did was push it back and continue working for the sake of a peaceful co-existence between Reploids and Humans. He had no time to execute this so-called **Crush** symptoms when so many of his kin are dying each day. In spite of his convictions, X would find himself looking at Zero chatting with their comrades. X confirmed he liked the blonde smiling and hanging out with comrades rather than finding the hunter brooding in his office. X should've been contented with this, keeping distance and watching everyone go on with their lives...

 

_But then_

 

One day, X decided that today is the day he tells Zero how he feels. Surely this ~~humane and~~ **selfish** _feeling_ would go away if X were to confide it to Zero. X cherished his friendship with the crimson hunter, but if he doesn't say this then he'll be bothered with the problem for the rest of his career. His mind told him that **Respect** was the ideal trait towards a mentor and not **Love** , but another part of his mind (?) told him to at least _try_.

 

* * *

 

~~He was too late.~~

 

 

X blinked, seeing his best friend smiling and even laughing beside navigator Iris.

 

[Pause]

 

Iris is the new recruit from the sister organization called Repliforce. Zero is hanging out with Iris. X remembers Zero telling him he’s going to hang out with a _dear friend_. That friend must be Iris. Iris is smiling and holding Zero’s arm in hers.

 

[Rewind]

 

"..." Zero's eyes softened with that smile ~~X thought was reserved for him alone~~ _as_  Iris gave a cheeky smile. Rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, Zero was muttering about ‘somewhat liking an event’ and Iris’ smile widen.

 

[Error]

 

"?" Iris asked, leaning towards Zero’s chest, if he’ll be free this weekend so they could go together in another place she heard. Zero was about to say ‘yes’ but sapphire eyes spotted analytical emerald.

 

[Play]

 

“X?” Zero asked, noticing the blue hunter observing with a blank expression. Iris looked at X as well, tightening her hold on Zero’s arm as she smiled sweetly. **Territorial** for what reason? _X couldn’t and wouldn’t want to understand as he felt gravity going against him._ Iris asked, “X! What are you doing here?”

 

 

_He's taken._

 

 

“Ah...” X blinked and felt something crack inside him, but whatever broke would be the illusion created in his mind. ~~There is no loss when there is nothing to begin with.~~ The illusion of **reciprocity** of his affection fractured under the weight of this _cold_ _harsh reality_.

 

[Test]

 

“You see... If Zero really wants to  go with Iris this weekend then... I can take care of the work here!” X suggested  _yet it stung_  as he watched the two  _turn pink/red._ **Realization**  was evident on the female, recovering faster than the male. Iris turned towards Zero’s direction, giggling. “See Zero? X has you covered.”

"You'll really do it?" Zero asked, observing his brother-in-arms.

 

[Pretend]

 

“Of course. I’m your best friend, ain’t I? Besides, you deserve it.” X made a gun motion at Zero as the Lightbot checked his system's energy distribution, feeling his legs trying to collapse on him when Zero offered him a **grateful** smile.

 

[Confirmation.]

 

“Thanks X.” The words felt like a buster shot through the chest. X wondered if he'll grow to resent those words. 'That won't do. I have to do something about that.'

 

[Abort Pending Action]

 

“No problem! Have fun~” X waved goodbye. _What a strange feeling._ A feeling X had never felt before. The mood wasn’t similar to **loss** or **anger** or even **regret.**

 

[Current Issue: Unrequited Affection]

 

“See you X!” Iris bid, dragging Zero away and the Zeroth commander didn’t look back. X could still hear them laugh in the hallway and all X felt was this **empty** hole near his core, but that was preposterous as only words were exchanged between them.

 

* * *

 

[Searching for Alternate Solution...]

 

“...“ X bumped onto the wall, having it as a support while he stared down at his hands catch droplets of liquid fall from his eyes.

 

[ ** ~~Confess~~** . ~~Ignore~~ . ~~Standby~~ . Delete]

 

"Why are you crying X?" X told himself off, laughing softly as he wiped his tears. He was crying for no good reason again. Good thing no one was here. 'Heh. If Zero were here, he’d scold me for showing weakness.'

 

[Are you sure you want to permanently erase files?]

 

“Back to work then.” X turned away from the main hall and no longer bothered to wipe his tears. Retreating to his office, X felt light-headed as reality shattered his small quivering desire...

 

[ **Delete** . Cancel]

 

...and that was fine with the blue bomber.


	2. [EXTRA] Uninstall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Light doesn't approve of X's actions
> 
> But that won't stop the android.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X plucks a five-leaf clover.

Unnecessary.

 

X disposes miscellaneous data every night.

 

Necessary.

 

No one stopped him because X did his job flawlessly. Done in a month, X's system unexpectedly crashes...

 

Unnecessary.

 

When he came to, X finds himself unable to relate nor replicate certain facial expressions, actions and behavior of his visitors.

 

Necessary.

 

Left alone in his room, X looked at his hands, struggling to smile. X frowned instead, sighing. 'Back from scratch.'

 

 **Unnecessary**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Changes have been saved.]


	3. Different perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it should be here though... What do you guys think?

**It's the third day since X's system crashed down. Lifesaver and I are keeping tabs on this workaholic's condition.**

 

"Zero. You don't have to keep coming here." Dr. Cain told the crimson reploid off. Being one of the physicians to handle the ancient android, Cain elected himself to be the watcher. "X merely overworked himself again. The usual."

[It was decided anonymously that X's shutdown was from overwork to prevent public worry.]

"..." Zero finished replacing the blue flowers on the flower pot. Something the old man believes X told Zero one time that can help alleviate the dreary room.

"Still staying." Zero looked down at X before sitting down on his usual chair. Cain sighs, 'How stubborn.'

 

**The case was bizarre to say the least. No signs of fatigue nor decrease in performance, X has also spent most of his time doing team missions so all progress was recorded...**

 

"Zero?"

"..." Cain had his eyes closed, pretending to sleep so the couple could talk.

"Iris."

It's pretty obvious that these two were a pair right from the start. Cain isn't sure how Colonel feels about this but the new reploid must feel troubled.

 

**...except his room.**

 

"Where did you get these flowers? They look so pretty." Iris must've sat beside Zero. [Young love]

"Forget-me-not... X's favorite." [Versus friendship.]

"I hope he gets well soon." [Love should win right?]

"Hn..." [Or maybe not. This is Zero we're talking about.]

 

**I visited the blue bomber's room to find it organized. Files piled in order, books arranged through author and field of study, PC empty of whatever reploids search nowadays...**

 

"W...what..?" X's voice sounded hoarse, but mostly blank. "Where am I?"

"You're in the med bay." Iris stated but the old man pretended to sleep for a little while longer. He was curious what sort of changes occurred in X's programming since that was the part most heavily altered.

"What were you thinking?!" Zero must be shaking the reploid's shoulders. "Didn't I tell you not to overwork?!"

"Sorry..." X's tone is confused but mostly indifferent, continuing. "It won't happen again. I promise."

 

**Where was X's journal? I'm pretty sure he has one somewhere.**

 

"You better not." Zero's voice turned into a whisper. "Idiot."

"Hmm?" Cain pretends to wake up, stretching his arms and yawning. "Oh~! He's finally awake."

"Yes doctor. X is awake." Iris bowed to show her respects. However, the old human had his eyes dart immediately towards the blue android.

"Don't be. I'm solely to blame for my actions." X made no attempt to reciprocate Zero's embrace which by itself was odd. Cain knows X. The android who usually hugs back or smiles or jokes or even blushes and looks away embarrassed whenever Zero pampers him with attention. 'Something was clearly wrong.'

 

**When I found it (which was under the bedroom with its ink smudged and pages damped), I noticed X stopped writing for the entire month. His last message was about the strange feeling around his core.**

 

"Wait a second! What are you doing here?!" X pushed Zero's chest and watched Zero stumble back in shock. "Shouldn't you be doing your work?" 

"?!" Cain was stunned too. X never pushed the emotionally hardened veteran away nor is X the type to tell Zero to go to work since X clearly loves spending his time with the crimson Hunter.

"You better not have wasted your time with me." X returned his hands onto his lap as he looked down disapprovingly. "The paperwork isn't going to finish by themselves, you know?"

"H-huh?" Zero couldn't make a comeback, staring at his friend. The action didn't make sense. [Cain could easily agree.]

 

**I looked at the records to see it matching on the day of the check-up. There are no irregularities to be found.**

 

"See Zero? I told you X was fine." Iris said yet sapphire eyes were still locked on his friend.

"But you slept for three days..." Zero murmured as X flexed his fingers curiously.

"Then I'll have to start working again." X sighed, closing his eyes in resignation. "They won't deduct it from my pay, would they?"

"Of course they won't!" Cain had to interrupt, already diagnosing the problem as something between Robotics and. 'Shit. It's psychology isn't it?'

 

**The problem was psychological in nature. X... Must be experiencing a potential issue for the reploid race.**

 

"Oh. Thank goodness." X sounded relieved but his expression was sorrowful.

"Thank you for not leaking my shutdown or people would send me those get-well gifts again..." X proceeded to ignore Zero, talking with Cain. "So am I allowed to leave already or do I have to follow protocol?"

"Protocol." Zero answered in Cain's stead, holding X's right wrist. Cain noted how Zero's gaze softened when X faced him. [Zero always did have a soft spot for X.] "You feeling all right? Any issues in the start-up?"

"None. I feel refreshed actually." X nodded, "Like a burden lifted off my chest."

 

**I... Am not this type of doctor. Maybe that's why I couldn't integrate X's programming into my creations? (Damn Light. What is this, make the perfect humanoid game?)**

 

"Burden..." Cain found that word ominous. He also knew Zero wants to inquire further, but asking the question would involve prying X's private settings.

'This situation looks more like self-sabotage.' Cain paused, trying to recall something last week. 'X did consider clearing his cache...?'

"I..." Zero responded, not used to being the one who carries the conversation. "...Did your missions and half of your paperwork while you were out. You don't have to get up immediately. I can... brief you when you're feeling better."

"Thanks." X didn't sound thankful. Rather, X sounded guilty. "...But you've done so much for me! I'll just ask my subordinates instead."

 

**Okay. I've already given X several memory sheets and he answered them perfectly. I looked over towards my colleagues and they found nothing but a numbness to certain actions and topics.**

 

"It's fine. That's what friends do." Zero didn't understand where this was going due to the lack of reciprocity. X simply did not want to continue talking with him  ~~and that hurt.~~

"I know we're friends, but that doesn't mean you need to do all of that." X looked at Iris and then at Zero, suggesting. "How about as payment I take your weekend shifts? You can spend it elsewhere like say make friends or check new places."

"Very funny X." Zero laughed but X wasn't kidding. "Weren't you the one saying we can't rest until it's over?"

"But you deserve some rest Z. I can't have you dying on me again." X tilted his head, genuinely concerned but Cain knew Zero's already tossing his default lines out the window. It's as if the three day sleep made X into a super workaholic. (Also, X treats Zero like the others. Someone he would eventually lose in time.)

 

**With my unwilling anti-reploid psychiatrist friend deciding to come in under my request, she confirmed that X has created a unique defense mechanism to block out certain emotions.**

 

'Zero didn't know that of course, but he can feel the difference in treatment.' Cain walked towards the bed, placing his hand on the bars. "Okay you two. Time to leave. X needs his space."

"But..." Zero looked at X who was watching Cain.

"Before the tests, I'd like to be left alone first to change if that's okay for you... Cain?" X asked, staring at his foster father expectantly.

"Of course. Come on you two. Time for us to go." Cain pushed the two reploids, smiling back at the blue reploid. X's mouth twitch, but he has his eyebrows furrowed.

 

* * *

 

**So-called anti-reploid psychiatrist friend became sympathetic towards X, requesting all of X's close associate data sheets. She then tells us not to mandate X to take part in any social gatherings for a month...**

 

"Hmmm..." Cain looked over X's direction, tapping his cane to catch the Hunter's attention.

"Yes?" X smiled, recently part of the international council meeting as an observer  ~~much to the masses' displeasure.~~

"How do you feel?" Cain has never seen X this focused and yet not bothered by anything under the sun.

"Worried." X confessed, muttering under his breath. "If only I had done  **this**  sooner, I could have prevented this."

 

**In spite of all these changes (which was good for the most part since X is handling the organization's affairs), I found myself realizing the truth with the archetype's preference and disapproval.**

 

"Prevent what?" Cain asked, curious and hoping his friend isn't reaching the same conclusion he found.

"Internal strife... a conflict on how to solve the Maverick outbreaks - save or kill." X placed his pen down, covering his face with one hand. "There's also the problem of paranoia and distrust... Blaming every single issue in the world towards either my race or each other? Oh and when is Signas going to take control? The Current  _Supreme_  Commander isn't the best in being impartial."

"Apologies. It's human nature and Signas is still in his learning stage." Cain leaned on his chair. "But what covered your eyes?"

"Hm..." X closed his eyes, crossing his arms. "Mostly social interaction and self-revelations. I've been too selfish, too self-absorbed to not notice the entire picture."

 

**I've realized my friend opted to turn a blind eye on 'petty' matters.**

 

"How's Zero?" Cain wondered and X blinked. X puffed his cheek, "Acting odd. I wonder what I did wrong? Zero has never behaved like this before and I'm worried..."

"How odd?" Cain watched emerald eyes roll. X explained, "The fact Zero randomly spends time with me even when I'm busy or the fact he drags me off to some place in the middle of a meeting or few minutes before my break."

"You could always reject the offer." Cain watched X frown. X shook his head, "No! How could I? Zero's my best friend forever. BFFs don't say no to each other and I'm sure Z knows when I should rest. Zero has also gotten more assertive, to the point that he wants to move my quarter closer to his. How bothersome."

"How about you set a schedule with him? That way, Zero's visits will be more predictable for your convenience." Cain watched X lighten up. X clapped his hands, smiling. "Thank you Cain! I'll tell him right now."

 

**Petty matters... How exactly are matters involving relationships considered petty?**

 

 

"You what?" X blinked, confused. Cain watched the azure hunter check his monitor. X continued, "I-I don't mind per se... But that's not why I called you Z!"

"Hmm..." X swirled his chair a bit, listening to his friend. Cain slowly picked up the coffee mug and sipped the glorious liquid. By the time X is done, Cain had finished the coffee. X squinted at him, "You fiend."

"What did Zero say?" Cain asked and X pouted. The blue hunter sighed, "He agreed, but he wants to be the one organizing the schedule. Can you believe this immortal, barging in my room and moving all of my things to the vacant room beside his?"

"Yet you don't mind." Cain pointed out and X shrugged, "Z did point out that his room is closest to my office and I usually have to change clothes to intermingle with civilians... Yeah... There's no loss."

 

**I couldn't help but laugh...**

**Author's Note:**

> X closed the door and threw the key out the window.


End file.
